Kara began Monday with some of the hard facts from the pending AOL-TimeWarner (TWX) split. Stock issued for the post-spinoff AOL places the company’s total implied value at around $3 billion. Also on the list of stuff from 1994 being jettisoned from tech companies is the original instant messenger, ICQ. Kara reported that AOL seeks to shed the brand in an effort to keep the larger ship afloat. Over at Yahoo (YHOO), Kara opened the lid on CEO Carol Bartz’s shifting of top execs. In Silicon Valley’s house of cards, everyone watches out for a shuffle.

Over at Digital Daily, John brought some hard numbers to the stresses being felt by AT&T’s (T) 3G network thanks to a certain fruit-flavored smartphone. It seems that the iPhone is largely responsible for the 2,000 percent increase in data traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area compared with a year ago. (Weekend Update doesn’t claim sole responsibility.) Keeping up with layoff news these days is almost a full-time job. It’s a good thing Paczkowski is on the case. This week, Sony-Ericsson let roughly 2,000 employees go. The firm plans to shutter whole offices in both the United States and abroad. John finished strong with a whole slew of posts about the forthcoming Google (GOOG) Chrome OS, which was released in a developer’s beta this week. Next year, the good kids may be getting their stockings filled with Chrome rather than Apples.

You can never tell what MediaMemo will have up its sleeve in a given week, and this one was no exception. Peter came in early with reports that Wired magazine is another publication betting on a certain tablet. Wired may pave the way for other Condé Nast publication e-editions. From the department of “Hey, it looks like it worked for them,” a couple of music giants will release a Hulu-like service for music videos. No word yet on whether the Internet killed the video star. Peter closed it out this week with the fizzle that will be Oprah’s broadcast career. The talk-show-host-turned-deity will end her broadcast career in 2011, but may not be sorely missed by CBS, according to MediaMemo. Everyone is pretty torn up about Gail leaving though.

Personal Technology went a little off the reservation this week and covered an intriguing specialty gadget with a very specific target audience. The reading aid for the visually impaired is unusual for many reasons, not the least of which is that its branded Intel (INTC) both on the inside and outside. The reader uses a downward-facing camera to read text and translate it directly to speech. Walt was pleased with the device on the whole, though he encountered some bugs and a somewhat steep learning curve that may be a function of the novel nature of the product. Over at Mossberg’s Mailbox, the lead question this week was about data loss. Once the geek shudders stopped, Walt let the reader know that there are many alternatives to Apple’s (AAPL) Time Capsule drives, and the integrated Time Machine option is one useful alternative. At Mossberg Solution, Katie won a fight with a Pixi and brought us the blow-by-blow account. The cheap-and-cheerful version of the Palm (PALM) Pre features a stripped-down price. That savings came at too high a performance cost, said Katie. She praised Palms webOS, but came down on the side of spending a little more to get the Pre.

Stay tuned and check back often. Weekend Update will be back next week as long as we can make it out for the Black Friday sales with all our fingers and toes.

Kara was half James Bond, half Indiana Jones in the cities and jungles of BoomTown this week. She jet-setted, jet-lagged and still managed to report on a genuine cougar fight.

BoomTown waved goodbye to merry old England and racked up some more frequent flier miles early in the week heading back to the techie embrace of Silicon Valley. Before her tray table was locked, though, Kara made a quick stop at music darling-of-the-moment Spotify. Daniel Ek, founder and CEO, hopes to bring its pay-per-month music service to millions of American mobile devices, to add to its hefty presence in the U.K. and Europe.

As D-Force One touched down at AllThingsD headquarters, one of the valley’s original major players shook things up with a $100 million branding move. Yahoo (YHOO), possibly now spelled Y!hoo, changed its brand in support of an overall shakeup of its services. Kara hearkened back to the D conference and wondered if rebranding the company Y!#@&$oo might have been more appropriate, considering CEO Carol Bartz’s preference for “salty” language.

And not to be left out of a worthy chuckle, BoomTown brought readers the inside scoop on the cougar that came to town. Yes, a cougar–or mountain lion, if you’re from California–was seem roaming the hills above Microsoft’s Redmond, Wash., campus this week. The company circulated a fairly priceless memo that included tips on how to successfully fight a cougar. Any such advice against snow leopards, however, was omitted.

As Kara was jet lagging, John was running full-tilt over at Digital Daily. On Monday, the Federal Trade Commission released a new proposal to institutionalize Net neutrality. The proposal would ban Internet service providers and data deliverers from prohibiting or throttling content to promote their own services. John pointed out that it wasn’t too surprising that AT&T (T)–and Republicans–weren’t too happy with the move.

While politicians exercised their series of tubes, Microsoft (MSFT) was busy shadow-tablet boxing. John filed a report about the first Microsoft device designed exclusively to compete with a product Apple (AAPL) doesn’t make. The “Courier,” as the two-page “tablet-book” is called, features some decidedly un-Apple-like interfaces, unless of course you look a little farther back to the days of the Newton.

To finish out the week, Digital Daily took the AllThingsD time machine back to 2003, when Apple was rolling out its revolutionary MMS service. Sometime Friday, iPhone users were suddenly able to share pictures with friends over the air. Unless they already use Flickr, Facebook, or about a zillion other apps that basically do the same thing.

MediaMemo explored its inner, or maybe outer, geek this week, beginning with the Gizmodo annual gallery show. The charity event featured musical Tesla coils, Star Trek props and a “Microsoft Surface”-like computer with a mud-based (not joking) user interface.

Peter continued the browsing theme, reporting that Yahoo and Google were both back in the market for acquisitions. Google (GOOG) CEO Eric Schmidt said he had his checkbook open again, now that “the worst is behind us.”

Even if Yahoo and Google are in a buying mood, one particular VC firm isn’t feeling so flush. New York’s Union Square Ventures opted out of the latest round of Twitter fund-raising. Peter hazarded a guess that the now-famous $1 billion valuation may have had something to do with it.

Across town at the Mossberg Solution, Katie gave readers a complete rundown on the Microsoft Zune HD. The iPod-hunting media player is now in its fourth generation. The player got high marks in the style and widgets categories, but still needs a solution to the confusing “points system” purchase interface. The problem with Zune isn’t the player, it seems, but the stuff Zune isn’t connected to.

It’s going to be another week of electro-awesomeness here at AllThingsD. Until then, always remember that you should never turn your back on a cougar. The safest way to escape is to buy it a pomegranate martini and squeeze out the window of the men’s bathroom.

Digital Daily came bearing sad news on Monday: The Apple (AAPL) event scheduled for Sept. 9 will not have anything to do with a tablet computer. Just music. And from an organization vulnerable to Palm (PALM) poachers. Presumably, all managers present will be exercising caution and using peripheral vision. Netflix (NFLX) was the recent recipient of good news, as John reported this week: Analysts’ research shows that the DVD-by-mail business has a lot of life left in it. Now, if Google (GOOG) will just stay out of that business. The search giant, in any case, might be a bit preoccupied by the Open Book Alliance and that group’s opposition to its Google Book Search Settlement, the $125 million deal that will allow Google to digitize and monetize some 18 million books. Probably won’t be preoccupied for long, though.

MediaMemo returned this week with an explanation for why the relatively mediocre iPhone camera has become the favorite camera on Flickr: It’s already in your pocket, and no one wants to carry another gadget around. Which is likely to become a more common refrain as high-end handsets grab more marketshare than ever and the quality of secondary functions improves. Another common refrain: The one where media companies start charging for content, and people start paying. News Corp. (NWS) (which owns this Web site) is working on assembling the critical mass of publishers it believes is necessary for making this possible.

Over in Personal Technology, Walt Mossberg reviews a robotic investment adviser called Cake Premium and points out some of the reasons you may or may not want to follow its suggestions for what to do with your 401(k). From Mossberg’s Mailbox, Walt answers questions about Windows OS upgrades on the Mac, and some follow-up questions about DriveSharp. In The Mossberg Solution, Katie Boehret tests out Rosetta Stone’s (RST) Totale, a web-based language-learning system that might be the next best thing for immersing yourself in another culture.

On a trip to Seattle, BoomTown visited the headquarters of the Pet Holdings empire, which includes Lolcats (icanhascheezburger.com), Fail Blog and now, Emails From Crazy People. While there, Kara filmed a video with Ben Huh, CEO of the (profitable!) company. There is obviously a method to Huh’s wackiness.

Elsewhere in Seattle, BoomTown got some of the lowdown on the machinations in the wake of the Yahoo-Microsoft deal. Satya Nadella and Yusuf Mehdi are just two of the Microsoft (MSFT) execs charged with leveraging the deal to knock Google (GOOG) out of its number one spot. They each sat down in front of the Flip camera to share their thoughts.

BoomTown also noted the beginning of the Yahoo-Microsoft regulatory filings this week and provided the full document of Yahoo’s (YHOO) 8-K to the Securities and Exchange Commission about the deal. To think: this is only the tip of the MicroHoo iceberg.

If you were one of the many wondering about Twitter’s high-profile outage this week, don’t worry–Kara provided a handy translation of the co-founder Biz Stone’s blog post about the whole matter. If you weren’t wondering at all, you’re not alone–Kara’s mother and older son, Louie, think the whole thing is a waste of time.

Google CEO Eric Schmidt’s resignation from Apple’s (AAPL) board of directors was just some of the news on Digital Daily this week. In some of the other news, the FTC responded with a “nice try, but we’ll continue our investigation anyway.” Better news for Apple, then, that it claims 32 percent of operating profits in the handset industry, even though it’s only the fifth-largest handset vendor.

In the not-so-good department on Digital Daily this week, NewsCorp. (NWS) (which owns the Wall Street Journal and this Web site) reported a 32.5 percent drop in fiscal-year-adjusted operating income–largely because of its “red-hot” social network, MySpace. Elsewhere, Cisco (CSCO) reported a 46 percent drop in quarterly profit while still beating the Street’s estimates, and Vonage (VG) recorded a second-quarter profit of $2.3 million while losing 89,000 net subscribers in the same quarter.

On Personal Tech, Walt Mossberg reviewed a new netbook from Toshiba this week great battery life and a winning keyboard, among other things. On the Mossberg Solution, Katie Boehret reviewed the Wii MotionPlus remote accessory, an add-on to the Wii remote that includes a gyroscope and allows for more precision and sensitivity in gameplay. Walt responded to readers on Mossberg’s Mailbox, answering emails about buying a new no-frills laptop, switching ISPs and moving contacts emails without too much pain, and discerning the minimum system requirements for Windows 7.

Walt went into a little more detail about Windows 7 on his MossBlog. Unfortunately, he discovered that more detail does not equal more clarity when it comes to a Windows 7 upgrade. At his request, Microsoft sent along a handy chart meant to simplify all aspects of the matter for readers. It is an astoundingly, even comically, complicated document. The company has promised to send a newer, simpler one. Stay tuned.

More next week.

This Weekend Update is particularly exciting because of all the things happening here at All Things Digital. There is, of course, the upcoming D7 Conference, which promises to be more tech-extravaganza fun than a tweet from @sockington (if only half as cute), but this past week has also seen the launch of our very own iPhone app, meaning ATD has gone mobile–smart news for your smartphone (we’re still working out potential taglines).

Like past D: All Things Digital conferences, D7 boasts a great lineup of speakers and industry leaders. This year, the gang that’s all here is full of personality, wit, chutzpah and all that other good stuff that’s sure to make this one of the most interesting and revelatory events yet.

For instance, Microsoft (MSFT) is rumored to be debuting its latest upgrade to its search engine, Kumo, at D7. The conglomerate sorely needs a win here, especially in its losing battle to the ubiquitous Google (GOOG) for market share in search. Search was a big topic in general this week as Kara Swisher liveblogged Yahoo’s (YHOO) “chalk talk” and interviewed one of its speakers, head of Yahoo Labs and Yahoo Search Strategy Prabhakar Raghavan, an exchange in which Kara gets Raghavan to exclaim WOO! for “web of objects.” In addition, Google search bigwigs Larry Page, Eric Schmidt and Marissa Mayer could be found across several universities this week dispensing “be more lazy” speeches to fresh graduates.

This was also the week with the IPO for OpenTable, the online restaurant reservation company being the first in Silicon Valley to go public in a long time. Kara Swisher and John Paczkowski give their takes on the offering.

It was also a week of many faceoffs. Here’s a smattering of those that went tete-a-tete this week:

• Craigslist vs. Henry McMaster. Winner: Craigslist. The online classifieds site retaliated with a lawsuit of its own after the South Carolina Attorney General threatened legal action.
• Microsoft vs. the European Commission: In the latest antitrust case development, Microsoft and the EC have been going head to head over scheduling issues, of all things.
• L’Oréal vs. eBay. Winner: eBay (EBAY). L’Oréal lost its latest lawsuit against the Web auctioneer over trademark-infringing cosmetic products sold on the site.
• CollegeHumor vs. Amazon: More of a prank than a bout, CollegeHumor gamed Amazon’s (AMZN) system by artificially driving up sales of the Three Wolf Moon T-shirts, complete with outlandishly positive product reviews.
• Comcast vs. Disney: Though Comcast (CMSCA) wasn’t pleased with Disney’s (DIS) partnership with online video site Hulu, the two companies were able to put aside their differences to form an ESPN360 pact.

More next weekend, but in the meantime, look out for all our coverage of D7!

First the company gave us CADIE (Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity), an “artificial intelligence” tasked-array system with the personality of a 12-year-old girl and accompanied by its own homepage, YouTube channel, blog, monograph and versions of Google Earth and Google Maps. And to these, Google has added Google LOLCODE, Google Brain Search, Google Chrome with 3-D and a new Gmail auto-reply feature. The search giant also announced a new upside-down viewing option for YouTube and an automatic red-eye function for Picasa.

Overkill? Maybe, just a little. Google (GOOG), of course, wasn’t alone in pumping the Web full of pranks. Seems people with Web sites everywhere fancy themselves Don Rickles today. Hotels.com began taking reservations for rooms on the Moon. And Expedia (EXPE) began offering flights to Mars. Microsoft (MSFT) renamed its Kumo search product Omuk and unveiled Alpine Legend for Xbox 360. Some angry librarians staged a Kindle burning in a Los Angeles park. Ashton Kutcher’s Katalyst Media appointed Gary Busey as Director of Human Resources. Torrent index The Pirate Bay partnered with the hopelessly litigious Warner Bros. The Guardian adopted an all-Twitter publishing model. Gizmodo was taken over by spam overlords. Amazon (AMZN) launched a brand new cloud-computing dirigible called Floating Amazon Cloud Environment, or FACE. Yahoo (YHOO) debuted an Ideological Search. And, finally, Qualcomm (QCOM) took convergence a bit too literally.

There are plenty of others, of course, far too many to mention here, and most of them unworthy of that mention in the first place. As Good Morning Silicon Valley aptly notes, “The sad fact is that pranks are like fireworks–once amateurs get to fiddling around with them, somebody’s going to end up lame.”

BoomTown posted from various spots in Europe this week, yet managed to follow the geek-tastic goodness of Silicon Valley’s own contender, Apple (AAPL) co-founder Steve Wozniak, who competed while injured this week on “Dancing With the Stars”–and escaped elimination via the love of viewers in Silicon Valley and elsewhere. Another founder made the headlines this week–BoomTown noted that Steve Case appeared at a huge pep rally at Time Warner’s (TWX) AOL. Case and former AOL exec Ted Leonsis gave their support (and a lucky green tie) to new CEO Tim Armstrong. Elsewhere, Pure Digital, the maker of BoomTown’s favorite gadget–the ever-present Flip digital video camera–sold itself to Cisco (CSCO) for $590 million in stock, and BoomTown urged Silicon Valley to remember it’s not immune to the recession, to put its nose to the grindstone and to avoid party-hearty inanity.

Guess no one’s taking heed of the warning, though: MediaMemo reports that no one’s getting anything done at work–CBS (CBS) says its March Madness Web traffic is up 57 percent compared to last year. On top of that, television viewership rose various percentages throughout the week. MM wasn’t watching much basketball this week, though–there was plenty to blog about: The New York Times (NYT) cracked down on unauthorized use of its photos; Discovery Communications (DISCA) announced a patent infringement suit against Amazon and its Kindle Reader; Palm (PALM) delivered dismal third quarter results, putting even greater pressure on the success of the Pre; and in a Q&A with BusinessWeek editor Stephen Adler, Steve Ballmer said he’s open to a phone call from Yahoo (YHOO) CEO Carol Bartz whenever she’s ready to talk. Oh, and in case you were wondering what happened at SXSW, MediaMemo got a Google (GOOG) guy to explain it.

Digital Daily’s March Madness started with a liveblog of Apple’s St. Patrick’s Day press event to unveil version 3.0 of its iPhone OS, a chronicle of the myriad features displayed onstage and a live photoblog to back it up. DD noted that sales of the iPod touch and iPhone have outstripped RIM’s (RIMM) combined BlackBerry sales by a factor of… well, by a LOT. Kind of supports the data that say mobile Web use doubled over the last year. Which is good, because Mac sales were no good in February.

In Personal Technology, Walt Mossberg reviewed the latest release of Microsoft IE8 (MSFT), its most comprehensive release in many years. His verdict? Mixed, of course. In Mossberg’s Mailbox, Walt talked to readers about the many models of BlackBerry phones and how they differ from one another, the new iPod shuffle and its earphone compatibility and upgrading Vista to Windows 7. In the Mossberg Solution, Katie Boehret reviewed the Ee Top, Asus’s first foray into the all-in-one PC market.

More next week. Go Woz!

After its official unveiling on Feb. 9, the e-book reader started shipping on Monday, and actually managed to grab much–but not all–of the hype that’s surrounded Twitter of late. The device has been met with much acclaim, though it’s by no means unanimous. Jeff Bezos made an appearance on “The Daily Show” Monday night to make his pitch to an as-yet unimpressed Jon Stewart. His main sell? “We’d make it cheaper if we could.” Roy Blount Jr., President of the Authors Guild, isn’t thrilled about the Kindle either, but his objection isn’t price–it’s that he believes the text-to-speech feature on the device threatens the audio book market. Rather than engaging in battle with the Guild, Amazon (AMZN) decided to modify the Kindle’s software to make text-to-speech optional. Meanwhile, the Hearst Corporation announced development of its own “Kindle Kopy” aimed at capturing the newspaper and magazine market. The Kindle 2 itself has been shipping for just a week and it’s already gotten some print media looking over its shoulder. It remains to be seen, though, whether it’ll earn the moniker of “iPod for books.” Walt Mossberg’s comprehensive review of the device this week provided a glimpse into its actual pros and cons and some insight into the Kindle hubbub from a hands-on perspective.

Elsewhere, much of the news this week was about reorganizations in the digital space. BoomTown covered the much-anticipated Yahoo (YHOO) reorg, which was sketched out by CEO Carol Bartz for employees first in a post to the company blog, then elaborated upon in not one, but two, internal memos. Even BoomTown’s attention began to wander there toward the end. Must’ve been something in the water this week, because Time Warner’s (TWX) AOL kicked in a little reorganization of its own–CEO Randy Falco announced that Maneesh Dhir, head of AOL International, would be leaving the company and returning to his entrepreneurial roots, and ad head Greg Coleman announced a reshuffling of his own group. Over at News Corp. (NWS), upon official announcement of President and COO Peter Chernin’s departure, CEO Rupert Murdoch alluded to a reorg sometime in the future, and an immediate commitment to “streamlining” the business.

In Mossberg’s Mailbox this week, Walt answered questions about transferring data to an iPhone, giving Vista a dedicated graphics card, and using TrueSwitch to transfer email accounts when switching ISPs. And in the Mossberg Solution, Katie Boehret took a look at the ways different mobile companies back up your data and give you access to it.

More next week.

Shares in the company slid still deeper into the mud today as the market reflected on the uneventful conclusion of the company’s merger talks with Microsoft (MSFT) and its decision to–well, let’s face it–become a reseller of Google (GOOG) ads. In early trading, Yahoo’s stock, which plummeted 10% in late trading yesterday, fell another 6% to around $22. And it’s likely to fall further still, with financial analysts taking swings at it like kids at a piñata.

“This deal diminishes Yahoo’s relevance among advertisers and strengthens the hand of a key competitor,” analyst Mark May of Needham & Company told clients in a research note today.

And over at Cantor Fitzgerald, analyst Derek Brown agreed. “We remain concerned about the long-term implications of this deal for Yahoo,” he said. “While the company should reap a near-term financial windfall with Google by its side, it seems to be sacrificing its vision of becoming a ‘must buy’ for online advertisers. After all, doesn’t this deal make Google, not Yahoo!, the ‘must buy’ for online advertisers?”

Jeffrey Lindsay of Bernstein Research says the deal is a litigation nightmare waiting to happen. “We think at a minimum that the current deal will result in further lawsuits, which Yahoo will ultimately have to settle, further impacting the economics of the deal,” he said.

And analyst Laura Martin of Soleil Securities Group says it’s just a nightmare, plain and simple. “Execution issues become more challenging as talent continues to stream out the door,” Martin said in a research note. “With the collapse of the Microsoft deal, Yahoo employees lost (in addition to shareholders), and we expect Yahoo’s employee turnover to accelerate as its share price falls and their stock options are way underwater. Shareholder litigation may distract the board and senior management and will cost Yahoo shareholders more money.”

And Shar VanBoskirk, an analyst with Forrester Research (FORR), well, she reacted as I imagine many observers did–with a slow shake of the head. “It’s a great deal for Google,” she told BusinessWeek . “I have no idea what Yahoo’s thinking.”

If it was thinking at all … Said Mark May, an analyst at Needham & Co., “This just reaffirms the view that Yahoo, and particularly Jerry Yang and David Filo, blew it. It’s hard to see how this management team is going to be able to extract or create value anywhere near 33 bucks a share anytime soon.”