“The interesting thing about cloud computing is that we’ve redefined cloud computing to include everything that we already do,” Ellison said. “I can’t think of anything that isn’t cloud computing with all of these announcements….These people who are writing this crap are out there. They are insane. I mean it is the stupidest. Is it ‘Oh, I am going to access data on a server on the Internet.’ That is cloud computing?…Maybe I’m an idiot, but I have no idea what anyone is talking about. What is it? It’s complete gibberish. It’s insane. When is this idiocy going to stop?”

In conversation with former Sun (JAVA) CEO Ed Zander at a Churchill Club event a little over a year later, Ellison expanded on those remarks, suggesting that if the cloud is anything, it’s a cloud of BS.

Cloud’s water vapor….Cloud computing is not only the future of computing, it is the present and the entire past of computing.

…Salesforce.com has been around for a decade. And so has NetSuite…and people are saying, “Well, that’s cloud computing.” Google is cloud computing. Everyone is cloud computing….Everything is in the cloud now….It’s this nonsense.

…But it’s not water vapor. All it is is a computer attached to a network. What are you talking about? I mean, what do you think Google runs on?…Water vapor? It’s databases and operating systems and memory and microprocessors and the Internet!

…And the VCs, I love the VCs. [They ask their start-ups] “Oh…is that cloud?” [And the start-ups go] “Oh! Oh! Microsoft Word! Change ‘Internet’ to ‘cloud’! Mass change. Give it back to these nitwits on Sand Hill Road.”

…What do you mean by “cloud computing”?…All the cloud is is computers on a network.

Our industry is so bizarre. They just change a term and they think they’ve invented technology….You can’t just come up with a [slogan] like “Let’s call that ‘cloud.” [But] it sure beats innovation.”

Below, the full video. Ellison’s rant begins around the 45:54 mark.

Sacconaghi believes that Dell (DELL) isn’t interested in a “transformational” acquisition, though its interest in the handset market might suggest otherwise. Rather, the company is mulling the acquisition of small- to medium-sized enterprise-related companies.

“While there has been speculation that Dell could look to acquire a handset company and we continue to believe that a consolidation play in the PC space could make sense for additional details, Dell appears focused on boosting its enterprise business by acquiring small to medium sized companies with strong margin profiles and higher levels of recurring revenues,” Sacconaghi writes.

Which companies? Software, services or storage and networking outfits, most likely, says Sacconaghi. Companies like Perot Systems (PER), Salesforce.com (CRM), Compellant (CML) and 3Com (COMS).

“We see Dell potentially looking to acquire a smaller remote infrastructure management company, or a smaller outsourcer–Perot fits the latter description, and is possible, but it is unclear that it is a willing seller, and its unique concentration (50 percent) in healthcare may be too narrow a platform for Dell’s offerings,” the analyst writes.

“…Dell’s software acquisitions to date have largely centered around systems management and we believe that similar types of companies could be acquired to further expand Dell’s capabilities. Also in software, we believe that [Salesforce.com] would be strategically consistent with Dell’s efforts to drive business at mid to large enterprises, but would be expensive ($4.8B current market cap) and would have a limited impact on revenues ($1.1B in their last FY)….

“Given that Dell’s biggest enterprise partnership is in storage, we believe the company could look to acquire additional IP for its own use. Compellent and CommVault (CVLT) could be appropriate targets. We think a networking deal is less likely, but purchasing someone such as 3COM and attempting to commoditize the networking space would not be inconsistent with Dell’s stated enterprise strategy.”

An interesting list of targets. Still, you’ve got to wonder why it doesn’t include Palm (PALM). After all, Dell really can’t afford to miss out on the handheld market completely. Can it?

However…

Looking ahead, Salesforce (CRM) said its current quarter would miss analysts’ estimates, and it reduced its full-year revenue outlook, saying sales will fall between $1.25 billion and $1.27 billion. The Street, which had been looking for $1.3 billion, was not at all happy with that and promptly sent the company’s shares down 7.6 percent.

Software is dead.”

– Salesforce.com CEO Marc Benioff, June 2000

Salesforce.com has seen a fair bit of its value evaporate amid the economy’s downward spiral. But the same cannot be said of its business, which is apparently doing quite well. Posting fourth-quarter earnings today, Salesforce.com (CRM) reported record revenue of nearly $290 million with annual sales exceeding $1 billion. Pretty damn good for a cloud computing company weathering a recession. Far better than the Street had expected. Consensus estimates had Salesforce.com earning seven cents a share. Instead, it earned 11 cents a share. “Salesforce.com is proud to be the first billion dollar cloud computing company,” said salesforce.com CEO Marc Benioff. “At a time when capital is precious, big-ticket software purchases just don’t make sense.”

Seems Benioff’s infamous “software is dead” pronouncement is slowly coming to pass.

Cakebread’s resignation, while unexpected, “does not involve any controversy or disagreement with the company,” Salesforce.com said in a SEC filing. Apparently, he’s leaving to “pursue other professional opportunities.” The circumstances surrounding the reported departure of the other two execs–Gary Hanna, EVP of enterprise sales, and another unnamed executive vice president–are still unclear. Sources close to the company tell Reuters that both were laid off. If that’s the case, it may be a sign that Salesforce.com’s (CRM) customer relationship management business is not as resistant to economic trends as it led us to believe last November. “While the company has been able to close deals, we believe the deals, in general, have been downsized and invoice duration has been shortened,” Cowen Co. analyst Peter Goldmacher wrote in a research note this week. “We know of no deals over 1,000 seats in the quarter.”

Yes, the SAAS enterprise applications vendor loves everyone, but none more than Google (GOOG). This morning, Salesforce (CRM) expanded its alliance with the search behemoth, linking its Force.com online development platform to Google’s App Engine. The move essentially allows consumer applications built on Google App Engine to call on data stored in Force.com. And that heralds more robust cloud computing applications, more–and better–alternatives to Microsoft’s (MSFT) core business applications, which are only just now adapted for the cloud.

They hate everybody and we love everybody, and that’s pretty much the difference. We even love Microsoft. … This is our core strategy, love.”

– Mark Benioff, Salesforce.com CEO and high priest of love

The answer’s obvious isn’t it? Salesforce.com CEO Marc Benioff.

Why? Because he says so, that’s why.

Speaking at the company’s DreamForce Europe event, Benioff said that Web 3.0 will be the Platform-as-a-Service (PaaS) era. A fascinating definition–convenient too, since this is precisely the sort of business Salesforce.com (CRM) is in. “We think Web 3.0 is now upon us. It’s the era of platforms,” said Benioff. “New platforms are coming right out of the cloud. It’s time to make a choice. You can continue to build your applications in the software model or you can move your applications to the new model of cloud computing. There is a new way to build your applications.”

So Web 3.0 is not, as Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web, once suggested, the semantic Web–”day-to-day mechanisms of trade, bureaucracy and our daily lives handled by machines talking to machines.” Rather, it’s Web 2.0 with another 1.0’s worth of marketing BS. The “Whatever-I-Say-It-Is Web”–the “Al Franken Decade” of the Internet age.

Well, the “me” decade is almost over, and good riddance, and far as I’m concerned. … That’s right. I believe we’re entering what I like to call the Al Franken Decade. Oh, for me, Al Franken, the ’80s will be pretty much the same as the ’70s. I’ll still be thinking of me, Al Franken. But for you, you’ll be thinking more about how things affect me, Al Franken. When you see a news report, you’ll be thinking, ‘I wonder what Al Franken thinks about this thing?’, ‘I wonder how this inflation thing is hurting Al Franken?’ And you women will be thinking, ‘What can I wear that will please Al Franken?’, or ‘What can I not wear?’ You know, I know a lot of you out there are thinking, ‘Why Al Franken?’ Well, because I thought of it, and I’m on TV, so I’ve already gotten the jump on you.”

Well, if this rumor proves true, Canada really will have to declare a national day of mourning for the BlackBerry (RIMM). When Apple (AAPL) CEO Steve Jobs uncrates the 3G iPhone a few months from now, presumably at the company’s WWDC conference in June, the device’s price may draw more oohs and ahs than its feature set.

Fortune claims AT&T (T) plans to knock $200 off the cost of a new iPhone for customers who sign two-year contracts. If that is indeed AT&T’s intention, the 8-gigabyte version of the device would likely price out at $199, the 16-gigabyte model at $399. Which is a pretty compelling value proposition given that the device will soon support Microsoft (MSFT) Exchange and run Spore, Salesforce (CRM), AIM from AOL (TWX) and a host of other third-party apps.

No wonder Apple execs seemed so comfortable reiterating the company’s goal of selling 10 million iPhones in 2008. At $199, they might be able to hit that number without the Asian markets.