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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

AAPL Sauce: Steve’s Fine

Three days of gains gone in just two minutes. That’s what happened to Apple shares today after Gizmodo published a rumor suggesting Steve Jobs’s declining health is the real reason he won’t deliver the keynote at Macworld 2009. Apple hasn’t yet commented on the report, but it doesn’t really need to. According to CNBC, it’s totally bogus.

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Apple Investors: “Philnote” Just Doesn’t Have the Same Ring to It

Told that Macworld Expo 2009 will be Apple’s last, and the first that CEO Steve Jobs does not keynote, investors behaved much as you’d imagine, dragging the company’s shares into the mud in after-hours trading. Fueling the panic: obvious concerns about Jobs’s well-being. And, of course, speculation that Macworld is likely to disappoint devotees hoping for the introduction of some insanely great new product. But would Apple really send Senior VP Phil Schiller out onto the Macworld stage without a cool new product to introduce?

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Ballmer’s Solution to Financial Crisis: Stop Watching CNBC

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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Friday the Thirteenth Part 4: MicroHoo Lives!

Rumors of renewed talks between Microsoft and Yahoo are as inevitable and persistent as Friday the13th sequels — and not nearly as entertaining. Shares of Yahoo spiked this afternoon on rumors that Yahoo is back in merger or partial acquisition talks with Microsoft.

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Slow and Steady Wins the Race, Eh Speedy?

Microsoft CFO Chris Liddell said last week that “speed is of the essence” in completing a deal to buy Yahoo.
So why is it taking the company so damn long to respond to Yahoo’s latest stonewalling of its advances? Three days have passed since the expiration of Microsoft’s deadline for Yahoo to accept its buyout offer [...]

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About John

John Paczkowski has been poking fun at the tech industry and the personalities that drive it since 1997. From 1999 to 2007, he wrote the award-winning tech news Web log Good Morning Silicon Valley for the San Jose Mercury News, Silicon Valley's daily newspaper.

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Ethics Statement

Here is a statement of my ethics and coverage policies. It is more than most of you want to know, but, in the age of suspicion of the media, I am laying it all out.

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alt.misc

  • 10 Best Uses Of Classical Music In Classic Cartoons

    Includes “Pigs in a Polka,” “Rabbit of Seville” and, of course, “What’s Opera, Doc?”

  • Web Site Story

    Take the famous ballads and duets of West Side Story, insert a dozen mentions of famous social media sites like twitter and facebook, and this is what you get.

  • Wooden iPod

    An iPod mini rebuilt with a wooden case

  • Han Solo, P.I.

    Star Wars meets Magnum, P.I.

  • The “literal video” collection

    Music videos recreated with new lyrics based on what’s actually happening in them. Daydream Believer and Total Eclipse of the Heart are particularly good.

  • E-Mail From Your Facilities Department

    In response to numerous e-mails, I have no idea what planet the giant alien creature is from. Judging from its enormous gills, I’d have to guess it’s from a watery planet. Reminder: please let me know if you plan to be in the office on Memorial Day so I can request HVAC for your floor.

  • Amazon Customer Reviews: Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

    For those of you who mock the wolf shirt beware. There is an old Navajo story about a young man who made fun of another man for wearing a wolf trio shirt. Legend has it that in his sleep, the wolves on the other man’s shirt came to life and tore his body to shreds. They never found any part of that man’s body. The Wolf is something to be respected and feared, not treated like a novelty.

  • Nice Muscle!

    Hands down the most inexplicably bizarre game for Wii I’ve ever seen

  • Respectful Yo Mama Jokes

    Yo mama is so attractive she could be on the cover of Prevention.

  • Introduction to Microcontroller Programming: The Flatulometer

    The inspiration for this project was to determine who could generate the worst flatulence measurable in a personally unbiased manner.

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